Gestalt Psychology and Me

I decided to drop any idea about swearing out a warrant regarding my assault. It’s just not worth the hassle at this point. I did make certain that a paper copy of the report is on file with the cops just in case it ever comes back to haunt me in any future search for an apartment or house. Also, given the barrage of stereotypes that rose simultaneously – complete with both gender and race baiting might I add – you can never be too careful to make sure you have records of all such incidents.

I am still twisting the idea of sending the documentation complete with screen shots of the disturbing number of views a post intended for my ex has gotten to his new address. Given that he may be remarried at this point just hurts and while I don’t think he’s quite this sick, it seems his ex wife has been able to maintain legal leverage for a number of years for a reason. That said, I just feel miserable about what has happened with him but obviously, who gives a shit about a cheap nigger whore like me in white girl clothing who gets her sorry ass beat so the mentally disturbed can ‘manage’ their emotional ‘issues’?

Swearing out a warrant next week

I will be swearing out a warrant next week and I am meeting with one of the local women’s organizations to go over the circumstantial evidence that appears to draw unsubstantiated links to my assault before turning that information over to law enforcement.


Whoring and The Ex

For the record nosy peeps: I have had a (SUPPOSEDLY)  private PASSWORD PROTECTED post on my blog accessed almost 100 times in the past 30 days. That password is not listed on the blog and has only been sent to one telephone number via text and voice mail. At this point, if gossip is circulating – it’s all on those who are abusing my site. My email is also been assaulted and attempts to access not one but TWO of my email accounts at this point by signing me up for out of state newsletters most recently.

When your an easy target like me for more than one common and humble reason, and for two or three scandals whoring is as whoring does folks. If anyone has a problem with my POLITICS OR ACADEMICS: BRING IT. NOW.



This is my truth

Originally posted on Sometimes, it's just a cigar:

Content note for discussion of child sexual abuse 

I pondered whether to write this, given that Carter so excellently said what needs to be said about grooming, and the way some abusers make use of wider cultural attitudes to the marginalized in our society. Seriously if you have not read it, go now and do so, I will still be here when you get back. The reason for writing is that line we have added, this is our truth, tell me yours.

Carter wrote of his experiences, and the groups of men who learnt to trust each other with their secrets, and the children they abused. Gaining security, and perhaps even a sense of normality from the collective nature of their crimes.  However abuse is not only a collective activity, it is a deeply private one, built on a relationship between victim and abuser. If you read the Rotherham…

View original 535 more words

Crowd Source Promotes Prostitution over a 14.7 Billion Dollar Spa Industry

Writers and Professional LMT’s take note! I recently submitted a 200 word answer to a basic question in what I thought was a delicate and discreet way given that what CrowdSource asked for was worded in a way I found suspect as a Professional for both the taxonomy and language used to phrase the question. What I wrote follows but first note the rejection I received.

We are unable to use this HIT: Your article was flagged for the following issues: Your content fails to answer the question. Your work contains unapproved source links. Source links provided no information with respect to the question. Content did not answer the question. Resources are supposed to be to the exact page you found your information, not just the homepage.

Answer Type: Opinion
What information can be obtained from massage parlor reviews?
Category: Business & Finance > Business Resources
Provide your first resource link:
Provide your second resource link: (optional)
Provide your third resource link: (optional)
Provide your fourth resource link: (optional)
Provide your fifth resource link: (optional)
The Massage Industry does not recognize the term “Massage Parlor” as a legal enterprise or as an accurate depiction and representation of the massage profession. Due to the societal practice of double standards which conflate and abuse both the massage profession and the spa industry which brought in 14.7 million dollars in revenue last year according to The International Spa Association, information obtained from a ‘massage parlour review’ is suspect.
Check here ONLY if your first sentence gave the direct answer to the question. Do not check otherwise.
Additional Details:
Use of the word “parlor” is a historical nod to the Gilded Age. In the modern era, use of this term is suspect among spa industry professionals and among those professions broadly associated with the concepts of Spas in general. The International Spa Association or ISPA, represents a total of 20,183 spas around the world. Spa Finder and Conde Nast Traveller among others, provide reputable information and reviews of spas around the world from industry insiders and professionals. Spas provide a number of services in relation to wellness and broadly speaking, services related to cosmetology. These professionals are represented by a number of licensing, certifying, and educational organizations, public and private. If a consumer is seeking sexual services, they may wish to conduct quests for information in more discreet language that does not conflate and undermine industries that create global opportunity and jobs for many people around the world. Hospitality, Tourism, Cosmetology, Massage, Esthetics, Philosophy, Health, Wellness and associated fields are not the private preserves of sexual hedonists and are not open to linguistic colonization. Therefore information that utilizes this terminology will necessarily be conflicting and a source of conflict as long as it creates artificial divisions that can only be termed post modern from an industry and professional standpoint.


  • I am leaving within a year if all goes well. I don’t doubt you at least know I want to do this and will be happy for me.
  • I love you.
  • I miss you
  • I miss the sound of your voice
  • your eyes
  • lying on your chest
  • I miss you wanting me.
  • Nothing replaces you in my memory or my present and future.


“We don’t need to control him, we need to unleash him.” – Advisors to Agamemmnon in TROY

I recently had the misfortune to have a public argument over what academics call nit picking with a sacred cow of the Massage community.

This is a snippet from the middle of a discussion that began in a professional group for massage educators on Facebook, followed recommendations to contacting industry authorities for more information and clarity, ricocheted back onto Facebook as if public slander and legal action were about to follow and all of this is documented both in email and on Facebook :

“Heidi – It is Judith, not Janet, and my last name is DeLany. You wrote your first email to our business email address on Sunday. We were closed Sunday and Monday so it was not handled until today. My two responses to your rather abstract emails have taken most of my day today. Before I got linked to this Facebook discussion, I spent several hours collecting and sending to you a number of supporting documents, peer reviewed articles, and a substantial chapter from one of my strongly referenced texts. Even though I do not know you, have never seen any historical document or any articles that you have written on this subject or any other, nor have you ever been in my class nor read my books or articles, I freely gave of my valuable time to support your efforts to obtain all of your information so that you did not have to purchase textbooks or subscribe to the peer-reviewed journals you so want to cite. You are collecting history on NMT, the very history that I have lived for 30 years. You do not have NMT textbooks or articles, not even the Travell books on trigger points, yet you have posted what I interpret as off-color remarks about my life work. Your comments above are disturbing, as you accuse flawed logic, yet do not disclose what you think is flawed and make broad sweeping statements that discredit me and cast my three decades of hard work, solid references, peer reviews, professional editing, and exemplary co-authors, as a comment on socialism. Your comments will not change the history of NMT, as it evolved on two continents under the hands of many, many people. You should not cite a simple website posting as an academic reference. There are many referenced sources, several of which I gave freely to you this morning. Read the books, read the articles, reframe your position. There are many historical and technique-based differences in NMT European vs NMT American version (my personal method) yet their foundations have some similarities. The textbooks and articles discuss these similarities and differences fully. Websites (which ARE opinions and marketing tools) do not contain the same content as a referenced source. There are also many other methods of NMT that are worth looking into. If you are writing about or teaching anything on this subject, I hope you spend the time to educate yourself on more than just internet websites and wiki. – Judith Delaney”
“Dear JUDITH -
  1. You are obviously not trained in Historiography and I am. Based on HISTORICAL methodology, your web sites definitions are REFLEXIVE. Based on that bit of LITERARY use of post modern discourse, it makes using your website problematic from a historiographical point of view
  2. You obviously did not note the date and time the conversation in this forum took place and failed to notice that I state I had emailed you for clarification. If you look at the sentence as I worded it, it’s obvious that I fully expect your published work to have detail that a website might very well lack. Therefore, your courtesy to me in providing me with more information is merely a professional courtesy and you have come to this forum late, misinterpreted the time line of events -again a history issues- and have accused me effectively of being ungrateful. Your moralizing will not shame me for any reason and is inappropriate.
  3. I don’t think issues about historiography revolve around you or your school alone. Consider Universal History and it’s implications and then have a second look at the upshot and rationale of the FSMTB’s MPA for starters. Again, they are codifying what in my opinion is a DISCOURSE in order to provide structure to the profession. As a trained historian, your on my home turf now and as a historian, I wont put my academic credentials onto a publication that utilizes websites with these kinds of errors and when authors such as yourself are graciously available to answer questions and willing to do so. You came to the conversation late and assumed I was attacking you. I state that I lacked information in that post and needed to contact you for clarification and yet, you call a public rant like the post above some kind of defense against me slandering you.
  • I stated up front that I did not have access to the information I needed and based on my training, I am NOT WRONG to say that your wording is reflexive. In the email I sent you, I also point this out and offer to explain why I would not be comfortable merely citing your website and if you had any questions to respond and ask me and I would be happy to explain.
  • I don’t recognize ‘sacred cows’. And no, this is not an apology. It’s my opinion about the difference between objectivity and subjectivity and if the massage profession were truly invested in creating infrastructure to support growth, there would be more discussion about the role of history to begin with. And I think we all have enough common sense to know why this NEVER gets discussed in public amongst massage professionals
  • TEACHING NMT is your home turf. What I am doing, is writing an introductory overview of the subject which is intended to provide BASIC information which therapists can use to determine if they want to pursue a more IN DEPTH study. If you note what I said, I said I did not want to read into any personal or subjective implication in your word choice and need to contact you for clarification.
  • I am not writing a full scope NMT history as you imply. Again, I am providing an overview of key terms and concepts. While I am fully capable of explaining in my brief that your website utilizes reflexivity and that for this reason, the terminology used to distinguish your views as expressed on your website are not at all common or accepted across the entire profession, I shouldn’t HAVE to make that comment in a publication to make massage industry professionals who are considered “Revered” or even more questionable, “lineage teachers” or commonly, “sacred cows”.
  • You should have enough education under your belt to know what reflexivity is in the first place, why from a research writing standpoint it’s problematic and while I am fully capable of going AROUND the issue, again, I shouldn’t have too. Let me guess? Is the following sentence the typical excuse of sacred cows or arrogant ‘youngsters’ when confronted with such facts? “It’s not my job to teach research methods or historical writing/historiography in the project I am currently working on and it is not my job to teach English grammar and Literary Criticism.”
While this is NOT an apology I most certainly had no intention of slandering you. I am sorry if you had that impression. However, honestly, I really should NOT have to point out what I have to someone of your stature in the professional massage community, who is a published author with research credits under your belt. Period.

Ashley M Heidi Carter BS, LMT”

Despite whining to the contrary I do not see evidence of a Massage Therapy Industry. I see a community that likes certain terminology and labels and that wants the laurels that go along with those things but does not want to do the work.
The ‘professional’ HEALTH CARE Industry and NOT the Massage Industry, CAM INDUSTRY, Spa Industry or any other single discipline made a joint and unified effort over the past 15 years to introduce more use of evidence based practices involving research. As I pointed out to others who witnessed this hilarious whining diatribe about hair splitting between two professionals with different views of what academic and research literacy entail I had to remind at least one published author of a massage text book that is considered a classic, one author of noted research papers and news writer and more than a few writers of continuing education for massage therapists of a few details.
Sacred Cows Take Note:
  • Regardless of when the original push for greater research uptake and applied EVP began, CULTURE happens in waves – not history. Therefore, the CULTURAL return on the investment in human capital made by these efforts will also return in waves in it’s own time. Not every wave is a damn paradigm shift but that WAS PART the upshot people oh Utopian idealist engineers of fascist infrastructure………..
  • When the younger generation like myself, who are under 40 and who happen to be degree holders need to point out the obvious, be zen like before showing your asses and illustrating the reasons why massage has the stereotype of being a field of primadonnas when you reply.
  • And while your at it note, it’s A DAMN DISAPPOINTMENT to those of us who actually had some Utopian ideals when we entered this profession to find that the sacred cows are not as educated and organized as the Library of Alexandria, there is disagreement and identity politics rife in the vaunted halls of academy and when we get a bit grumpy about the equivalent of peeling paint, of crumbling dry wall and infestations of intellectual termites in the public facade that passes for “Massage Industry Infrastructure” – don’t get cocky. Get off your high horses and remember pluralism is fragile.
  • None of you know me, my background or why I might have a reason to be cocky or humble. Anyone who has met me in person knows I am cocky online and cautious in person. I am also damn honest, and fair. Don’t expect a free ride people. Period.
  • This is not the commentary I originally planned on. But I have decided to allow myself the luxury of being arrogant for the time being. I need a break and since you all set the stage why should “I” not tip my hat to the crowd ladies and gentlemen? I leave those of you with the intelligence to recognize your unique positions with this thought and these two videos below. “We don’t need to control him. We need to unleash him.” – Troy

Public Scandals, Marion Zimmer Bradley, Sexual Abuse, Art and Western religious traditions

I found the article below on researcher Jason Colavito’s web site and thought it may be valuable to those who may question the actions Marion Zimmer Bradley has not only been accused of, but also the actions she failed to take a definitive stance against publically in her deposition about her husbands conviction for the identical charges. 
I made the following comment on Jason’s site regarding this article: “Given the updated revelations about sexual abuse and child rape in the Marion Zimmer Bradley family this just illustrates part of the problem. From my perspective, several associated discourses are implicated, along with the apparent abuse of religious ideologies in the name of art and anti intellectualism that some could be tempted to pass off as a literary device, while failing to recognize the nuances of literal belief in the spiritual and the discipline of history itself. At the moment, to even describe it as such, I wonder if it provides ‘art’ with more dignity than it deserves both intellectually, historically, spiritually and religiously.” 
I edited this bit for clarity because it triggered me at the time I posted the original. I don’t know Moira or Mark Greyland and I certainly don’t want to accuse or badger them for any reason. However, I am sure that they and many others are aware of how their history may one day be interpreted due to the implications of the details of their lives and metaphysically, how it may look from an outsiders point of view. For yet another interpretation of public scandals involving high profile individuals working within pop culture and stereotyped industry, Corey Feldman and his peer Corey Haim also have a history of sexual abuse that Feldman indicated may deal with themes and issues within the Western religious tradition.
As a sexual abuse and rape survivor myself, who has also been close enough to the living subject of a published conspiracy theory that he was a regular guest in the home for at least ten years and who was a family friend for far longer, as the daughter of a father who was convicted on charges of trafficking that were on national news when I was 6 or 7 and as the niece of a professional journalist who was a foreign correspondent for one of these same national news agencies at the time of my father’s arrest, I recognize how valuable the position of the observer is and how important it is to record and detail facts when confront distressing emotional events that enter into the public realm. The deeper irony for me, is that this same uncle, was himself also a victim of one of my two molesters – his father and my grandfather.
For me, and possibly for any abuse survivor, there is often a right way and a wrong way to approach the past and to tell a story. Additionally, if memories surface that were not connected as related events and a connection is made the stage is set for trauma.
Meanwhile, for those on the outside looking in, I would ask not only for my own sake, but out of respect for any abuse survivor to remember the value of minding your own spiritual and religious business. From a metaphysical, spiritual or religious angle, any attempt to decenter a subject of historical fact that is defined by memory for an abuse survivor by any means is threatening. I do not doubt that there are those who may wish to send ‘healing’ energy to others and who may utilize and come from a number of spiritual and religious backgrounds. On behalf of all sexual abuse survivors: think twice before engaging in such activity. Prayer is one thing. Active forms of spiritual intervention that are unsought or not verbally asked for by those who are affected may be horribly inappropriate for any number of reasons.
That said, consider the circular logic on the topic of sex and religion in the Western tradition from author and researcher Jason Colavito reproduced below. A link to the original post is under the authors name at the bottom.  

Caution: This post contains sexually suggestive early twentieth century imagery.

Recently, I’ve discussed the way pagan beliefs were given a Satanic cast by Christians, who turned pagan worship ceremonies into Black Masses full of sodomy and blasphemy. In 1862, Jules Michelet tried to paint a more sympathetic (if inaccurate) portrait of medieval witches by describing their faith as a pagan-influenced feminist rebellion against Catholic patriarchy. His book, La Sorcière, is known in English as Satanism and Witchcraft, and of course the weird art used to illustrate the 1911 printing of the book is something to behold.

If you thought the images of women kissing Satan’s or a goat’s buttocks were bad, this little number puts them to shame. Behold the Black Mass as drawn by Martin van Maele, a French illustrator famed for his erotic art.
Black Mass

And a few more from the same volume:

Black Mass
Suckling a Demon
This certainly says something about the tangled relationship between sex and religion in the early twentieth century. It also shows how little respect Michelet’s sympathetic vision of a woman-centered religious tradition actually received. These illustrations are not exactly empowering women.” – Jason
More insights from Jason Colavito on this topic can be found here. Personally, I agree with him and don’t have to be a sexual abuse survivor to know the literary connection either.

More commentary on Marion Zimmer Bradley and Sexual Abuse

I have revisited the web about this story and turned up

Below are a few links to additional commentary from around the web.

About ten years ago, my step mother burned a number of her fantasy books feeling they were unchristian and no longer in line with her religious views. I also backed away deeply suspicious of some previous religious (and admittedly pagan views.) My step mother was not the only one who dropped some previous sources of comfort and inspiration cold turkey and walked away refusing to speak about some matters any further. End of Story.

Seeing Coleen Duran’s post brings this up again.

Past Horrors

I am recalling past horrors. Not in the actual sense of physical abuse but in awareness of the magnitude of errors in judgment made intentionally and unintentionally by those whom I have known and loved and by a few whom I either resist the urge to hate or find so disgusting that walking away and vowing to never speak to them again is the only option. May karma preserve me from further contact with such malicious souls no matter how badly they think they need to clean up the hell they created and maintained and built on the bones of my life, my mind and my spiritual soul in the name of some twisted interpretation of logic of some sort.

There is nothing more sick to witness than self congratulations given for the wrong and most inappropriate reasons. Period.

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