I told him about this blog. I don’t know that I should have. More than likely he will dismiss it or he may come nose around in case he thinks I am slandering him. Either way, if he doesn’t want to read about grief he should have behaved better. Schaudenfreude. To feed his inner Narcissist if that in fact is what he is.
So I did manage to not text the past few days other than to tell him about this blog, so that is positive. However, I posted more new items on the blog than I should have so my impulse control is still out of whack. One post a day is sufficient. I asked Mom to read the blog rather than text him a second time about it since it will only be a waste of time and I hope it doesn’t upset her. It may. With my horrible relationship skills on display conjoined with me mentioning my history of sexual abuse, she doesn’t come across as the best parent which is factual but not entirely true. I love her and she is the only mother I have and I would not trade her. Moo, Moo. And Dad as usual can not be blamed as the absent parent much to mother’s dismay.
“Life only demands from you the strength you possess. Only one feat is possible. Not to have run away.” – Dag Hammarskjold
So this is my model quote for dealing with impulse issues like texting or emailing him. Hopefully re-reading this quote will help me get down to the emotions that my texts and emails have been covering up.