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New day


I had a nice conversation with someone today and it’s got possibilities. At least friendship if nothing else. Nice guy. Nice enough that I cleaned out my text messages finally. In the process I came across another old bone of contention between my ex and I about communicating with his job. I still don’t understand what happened there. I called to verify his story about being fired and that was all. I called a second time to see if they had heard from him because at the time, the idea that he may have relapsed was in the air. I stopped after that because he asked me too and because it wasn’t my problem. To have heard him tell it, I had been up in their faces asking questions and looking for information and apparently he uncritically accepted that idea. It is totally baseless. I don’t trust his old job because of the way they worked him and were allowing him to hide from the rest of his life. Just re-reading his accusations takes the wind out of my sails. He said that I attempted to negate everything he did as a show of power. Again, that has no basis in fact. I have no idea what he was talking about and he refused to explain himself as if I should already know what he meant. Insanity. Just total insanity. I still care for him deeply. I wish I understood what he was talking about, I wish he would have explained. I feel that sense of desperation again just re-reading his texts. I needed to delete them. I just couldn’t bring myself to not hang onto the evidence of his abuse of me and our relationship. I have saved one where he threatened himself rather than me for a change. He was crying and angry and desperate and blaming me for all his problems with no explanation. I am re-breaking my own heart by having re-read his texts. It was past time to delete them.

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