I remember when I was a student and waiting for my student check to arrive. I asked an old boyfriend who I was interested in dating again if he could float me some cash so I could wash clothes. I felt horrible about it. Sickened. It goes against my gut to ask a man for anything. Now that I am homeless that has not changed. It seemed every time something went wrong for me after having asked him for that help, I had to ask again for something else. If it wasn’t one thing it ended up being another. It made me miserable. there was always some excuse. Truly. The price of the rental car I paid for was misquoted. Something always. It is not ok to ask a man for anything to me. Ever.
I actually am happier being here, in this situation of homelessness than I was when I was in love with him and able to ask for his help.
He hates me now. If I was a prostitute or an accountant, I might have value.